my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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