My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
