why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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