So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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