I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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