well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
