so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize