i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
