Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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