meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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