I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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