First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
