so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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