What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
