I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
