Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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