Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize