Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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