Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
