just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
