It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
