I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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