I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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