Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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