I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
