I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
