i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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