The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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