Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
