Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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