I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
