I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
