i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
