I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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