can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
