Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
