So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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