so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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