sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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