Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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