Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
