if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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