K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
