I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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