Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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