Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize