Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
