Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
