i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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