I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
