Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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