He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
