you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
