You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
