Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
