I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
