mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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