that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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