1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
