there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
