I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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