The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
