Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
