He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
