I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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