they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
