I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
