The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
