I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
