Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize