I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The Olympian is in my bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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