Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
