JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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