ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
