Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize