hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize