So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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