no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
