What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just google imaged poop.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
