I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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