she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
