Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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