I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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