well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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