Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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