Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
